She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
So apparently I’m into choking now
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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