He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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