Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
