Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
God, I missed his penis.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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