dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
