You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm so fucking centered right now
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I will pee on everything he values.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
