Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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