I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
