I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
