I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Thank you for not boning my boss.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
