dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
