She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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