just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
