My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
