Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
