I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
