ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's just like the Real World with babies
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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