it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
