You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
