The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
