Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
