Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
