How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
