i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
