too bad you live with your parents still
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
