are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my shit smells like andre
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
