just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
