I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
