i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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