Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
