i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
