Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
