FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
