i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
