dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
