hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
