OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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