Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
