Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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