By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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