I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
