I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
