walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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