I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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