STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I smell like Dick and happiness
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
