what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
