I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
