Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
