I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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