Your face is a jimmy john
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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