oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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